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Be Kind To Yourself

Caregiver stress syndrome
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Be Kind To Yourself

Your sister is critical of how you are caring for Dad; your husband resents the amount of time you spend away from home; you missed your daughter’s piano recital once again; your boss is slowly losing patience waiting for overdue reports.

When we take on the role of family caregiver — for aging parents and spouses – we are pulled in a hundred different directions—family relationships, job responsibilities, friends and co-workers, personal commitments, and the person who is relying on you for assistance—someone and something is always vying for your attention.

Some days it feels as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and feeling depressed and lonely cuts like a knife. Other days, guilt is your constant companion. Am I doing enough? Am I doing a good job? Will I be a bad person if I say “no” once in a while when someone makes a request of me?

Your own health, the quality of your professional and personal commitments, your relationships outside of the one you have with the person you are caring for need not suffer as a consequence of being a caregiver. It can be hard managing stress for caregivers, but there are ways to help and get through these tough times.

In my book, The Complete Eldercare Planner, you will find myriad suggestions on how you can be more kind to yourself during the difficult caregiving years. In the meantime, here is a list that offers insights on whether or not you might be on the brink of going off the deep edge.

Ask yourself the following questions as a way to monitor your current caregiver stress level:

Do I . . .

  • Resent the person I am caring for?
  • Feel angry most of the time?
  • Find little satisfaction in caregiving?
  • Feel trapped and burdened?
  • Feel like the rest of the family is not doing their fair share?
  • Feel guilty most of the time?
  • Have the urge to physically and verbally abuse my elder at times?
  • Have bouts of feeling inadequate and helpless?
  • Often feel enraged?
  • Think I could and should be doing a better job of caregiving?
  • Have difficulty saying “no?”
  • Tend to please people at my expense?
  • Resist asking and accepting help from others?

Am I . . .

  • Overeating or eating the wrong kinds of food?
  • Abusing alcohol or drugs?
  • Not getting any physical exercise?
  • Crying frequently?
  • Lacking fun and laughter in my life?
  • Depleting my own financial resources?
  • Late for work or missing work?
  • Letting my job performance slip?
  • Sleep deprived?
  • Experiencing chronic health issues like headaches and lingering colds?

 If you answered “yes” far too many times, I encourage you to be kind to yourself and ask for help today.

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Joy Loverde is the author of the best-seller, The Complete Eldercare Planner (Random House, 2009) and Who Will Take Care Of Me When I Am Old? (Da Capo, 2017). Joy’s media credits include the Today Show, CBS Early Show, CNN, and National Public Radio among many others. Joy also serves as a mature-market consultant and spokesperson for manufacturers, corporations, law firms, financial institutions, insurance, associations, healthcare organizations, senior housing, and other members of the fast-growing eldercare industry.


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